


Extreme Makeover: Hell Edition

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: Sympathy for the Devil [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Castiel is sometimes adorable, Crack, Crowley is not one of them, Dean is Lucifer, Hell, M/M, arrogant demons being suicidally stupid, don't tempt the Devil to wrath guys seriously it's a bad idea, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 14:36:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer visits Hell to institute a few changes. Castiel tags along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Extreme Makeover: Hell Edition

**Author's Note:**

> So, this takes place after chapter eleven of _Sympathy for the Devil (and Dean Winchester)_. It's from Castiel's POV, because I like writing Castiel, but the main story is only from Dean  & Sam's POV, so I figured this was a chance to see a little what Castiel thinks of Lucifer!Dean and the whole situation.
> 
> A bunch of you wanted to see Crowley, particularly his reaction to the Winchester boys being who they are. 'darknefarious' wanted to see Lucifer, quote, _'going on like a boss in Hell'_ which I agreed sounded cool.  
>  None of that was going to go into the main story, but I figured it could make an amusing little side-story. So here you go. And no, I haven't forgotten about chapter 12 of the main fic. It's just being difficult. :P
> 
> Oh, and don't read this if you haven't read the main fic. Seriously. Major plot endings given away in this one.

The day after Michael and Gabriel returned to Heaven to restore the Heavenly Host to order, Castiel was watching _Glee_ (Lucifer didn’t approve, but Castiel found the programme both absorbing and uplifting) on the motel television when Lucifer spoke up.

“Hey, Cas. How do you feel about a day-trip to Hell?”

Castiel blinked and looked at Lucifer, who seemed to be serious. Castiel took a moment to consider his previous experiences in Hell.

“Unenthusiastic,” he replied. Lucifer snorted.

“Yeah,” he agreed, his expression darkening for a moment; Castiel surmised that he, too, was recalling Castiel’s last visit to Hell, and the reasons for it. “Don’t blame you. It’s just, well, Sam kind of asked me to do something about Hell.”

“Do something?” Castiel repeated curiously.

Lucifer made a face, and leaned back in his chair to stare at the ceiling. 

“Yeah, like, make it less of a place of eternal suffering and torment. Improve the décor a little. You know, _Extreme Makeover: Home Edition_ style.”

Castiel let that one slide over his head; he got the gist, even if he didn’t understand the exact pop-culture reference.

“You intend to… improve Hell?” he clarified.

“Yeah,” Lucifer agreed. He didn’t sound as though he was particularly pleased by the prospect. “Like I said, Sam asked, and well, since he’s busy kicking asses upstairs, and Hell is kinda, sorta my fault…”

“You are making amends,” Castiel finished, in realisation.

Lucifer’s mouth curved in an unhappy frown, as though he wanted to protest Castiel’s words, but couldn’t find fault with their truthfulness.

Not for the first time, Castiel marvelled at the complexity of the archangel before him. Lucifer was the first angel to rebel, he had lived for three decades as a human and was still as much a human as he was an angel, and from all accounts, he had changed from being an uncaring, hubristic force of destruction to a responsible, deeply-caring individual intent on repairing the harm he had done in the past. Castiel suspected that he was also, out of all of them, the only angel who truly understood free will. Lucifer was something unique in all creation, and Castiel did not think that he would ever tire of learning from him, or observing his attempts to better both himself and the universe.

“I don’t know I’d put it like that,” Lucifer said at last. He sounded uncomfortable. “More like… manning up?” 

For once he sounded vaguely uncertain, as though he himself did not know his own motives.

Which might have been the case, Castiel reflected. Lucifer had changed a great deal in a short space of time, and as complex as he was, it was possible that he had reached a point where he could not even perceive all of himself.

So, instead of responding to Lucifer’s unsure statement, Castiel made a request that he had wanted to make for some time.

“Explain free will to me.”

Lucifer paused, blinking in surprise.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Castiel fixed him with an expectant stare. Lucifer frowned, and after a moment said,

“I’m pretty sure you understand what free will is, dude.” He appeared honestly puzzled.

“Perhaps,” Castiel allowed. “But I believe that I do not understand it as you do.”

Lucifer mulled it over, and Castiel examined the thoughtful expression on the other angel’s face, committing it to memory. Castiel found that little things, like the expression on Lucifer’s face or listening to him sing along to cassette tapes in the Impala, or the archangel’s warmest smile, brought him a strange, unexpected joy these days. It was something that most of Castiel’s brothers would not have understood, but Castiel was certain that if he asked Michael or Gabriel, they would know exactly what he was talking about.

He had never asked.

“Okay, that might be true,” Lucifer admitted. “So, uh, okay. Free will. It’s… well, the first step is probably the easiest, although it’s hard enough for angels… anyway, the first part of free will is being free to make your own choices, and knowing how to do it.” He flashed a grin at Castiel, and Castiel felt himself smile back involuntarily. “Go you, Cas, you’re totally rocking step one.”

“Thank you.” Castiel wasn’t sure whether that was the appropriate response, but Lucifer grinned even more brightly, so he assumed that it was acceptable.

“Now, the second step,” Lucifer continued, “is also pretty difficult. It’s understanding that if you’re free to make your own choices, then the consequences of that decision are all on you, and learning how to take responsibility for your own actions.” Lucifer’s mouth twisted wryly. “So yeah, I’m only just getting the hang of that one myself.”

“You’re doing well so far,” Castiel offered.

The smile he received was a more rueful one, this time.

“Eh, maybe.” Lucifer didn’t seem fully convinced. “Anyway, that’s what I think free will is. And knowing Dad,” he added darkly, “That’s exactly the point of the whole thing.”

“What thing?” Castiel asked, confused.

Lucifer shrugged, and snorted.

“I don’t know, the universe? He’s a sneaky son of a bitch, who knows. Anyway, Hell. Feel free to stay behind if you want, but you sure you don’t want to come? I could use some company down there. It’s full of demons, man.”

“I believe that Sam would point out that that’s your own fault.”

Lucifer made a face.

“Well, yeah.”

Castiel contemplated returning to Hell, at Lucifer’s heels, not as an invading force this time, but as a lawful one. He had to admit that the thought of watching Lucifer at work setting Hell to order held some appeal.

“I will accompany you,” Castiel decided.

“Awesome.”

* * *

Castiel was surprised to realise that Lucifer intended to descend into Hell still wearing his Vessel, but Lucifer merely shrugged when Castiel said so.

“Hey, I like my Vessel. And come on, so do you. I heard you telling Gabriel that my eyes are ‘a pleasing shade of green.’ ”  Lucifer grinned at him, mischievous and warm, and Castiel understood that he was being teased.

“They are,” he confirmed sincerely, and Lucifer grinned further, with less mischief and more warmth.

“I was simply surprised,” Castiel continued. “Have you considered that the demons may not recognise you as Lucifer while you’re inhabiting your Vessel?”

“Oh yeah.” Lucifer’s smile this time was dark and cold. Castiel had seen this expression several times before, but did not find the smile any less intimidating for his previous exposure to it. He much preferred the warm, glowing grin Lucifer often sent in his direction. “Believe me, Cas. Last time I was down there, they thought they could break me. This time… this time they’re going to discover that that was a mistake,” Lucifer said silkily.

Sometimes Castiel almost forgot that before Lucifer became Dean, he was a being of utmost malice and vengeance. Other times, he was forcibly reminded of that fact. To be truthful, it sometimes worried him: but Dean Winchester had given him something to believe in, and even as Lucifer, he continued to reward Castiel’s faith.

Their descent into Hell was rather different from the last time Castiel had entered it. Last time, he had been merely one of many soldiers, invading Hell and doing battle with its denizens, in an attempt to find the Righteous Man and rescue him (Gabriel said that the fact that the Righteous Man turned out to be Lucifer was proof that their Father had a sense of humour). This time, Castiel entered Hell in a human vessel, following Lucifer as the archangel entered Perdition with all of the confidence of one who knew himself to be master of the realm. Hell also appeared differently to human eyes than to angelic senses, Castiel noted. The Hell he saw this time reminded him of the great Renaissance paintings that depicted it, no doubt reflecting the expectations of the humans who ended up here.

As Lucifer and Castiel progressed further into Hell, some of its residents attempted to attack him as they would any passing interloper, but Lucifer either flung them away easily or obliterated them in a surge of angelic Grace. Castiel found it interesting that the firmament of Hell itself appeared to recognise Lucifer’s Grace, welcoming his return even if the demons did not.

“What do you wish to change?” Castiel asked Lucifer. The other angel glanced at him.

“Well, I want to make things a bit less S&M gone wrong, for starters,” Lucifer replied. Castiel opened his mouth to ask what S&M was, but Lucifer continued talking. “I’m going to make it so that anyone who sells their soul for a good reason – you know what I mean – is herded into a new area of Hell set aside specially for them, and left alone until I can see for myself whether they deserve to be here or not. I’ll also change the rules about crossroads deals, so no underage kids or anything, and make some alterations to the standard contracts. That kind of stuff. Oh, and hellhounds are only going to be sent after the really evil sons of bitches, because that shit hurts.” Lucifer grimaced in memory.

“I see.” 

The two angels continued towards the centre of Hell and Castiel fell silent.

* * *

They arrived at Hell’s deepest point to find the most powerful demons of Hell already gathered. The assembled demons seemed surprised to have Lucifer and Castiel suddenly in their midst.

The more corrupted a demonic soul became, the more twisted and unholy, the less human their soul appeared. Some of the demons gathered were both very old, and truly inhuman – so far removed from their original, innocent state that they had become true abominations, eldritch horrors that were terrible to look upon and which no longer possessed any positive qualities. They had been steeped in the despair and agony of Hell so long that they were little more than embodiments of its worst tortures.

They reacted to Lucifer and Castiel’s appearance with fury and surprise, failing to recognise the two angels concealed within their Vessels.

“Afternoon gentlemen, ladies,” Lucifer smiled with faux affability. “How’s the meeting going?”

“Insolent human!” the nearest monstrosity roared, and swiped a tentacled appendage in Lucifer’s direction.

Lucifer’s wings flared wide outside his Vessel, suddenly blazing, and he incinerated the demon with a thought as Castiel watched.

Lucifer chuckled nastily.

“Since some of you apparently don’t recognise me, allow me to introduce myself.”

Hell altered itself to Lucifer’s will, and there was a flash of music, a male voice drawling, ‘ _please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste.’_ Lucifer smiled serenely.

“I’m Lucifer.”

The assembled demons responded with varying reactions of consternation and disbelief.

“That’s right,” Lucifer said smoothly. “Now, I know I’ve been gone a while, but hey, guess what. I’m back, and there’s going to be a few changes around here.”

One of the demons, twisted and deformed but still recognisably humanoid (unlike most of the others) began edging backwards, with an expression of worried, wary calculation. Clearly it was more intelligent than the others.

“We’ve heard all about you cosying up to the angels and turning a new leaf. You think you can just order us around after all this time?” a large blob of pulsing malevolence spat.

“Uh, yeah.” Lucifer raised a pointed eyebrow.

“Over my dead body,” sneered another abomination, to the approval of its fellows. The humanoid demon simply backed away with greater urgency.

Lucifer gave a chilling smile.

“Agreed.”

Castiel moved back a little as Lucifer tore through the assembled demons with lethal ease. Out of the corner of his eye Castiel saw the humanoid demon attempting to unobtrusively escape the carnage, and moved to intercept it.

“Er, hello,” the demon offered, coming to a cautious stop.

Castiel said nothing, but stayed where he was.

“Right. I’ll just, ah, remain here then,” the demon said placatingly.

Both Castiel and the demon looked back at Lucifer to see him gleefully explode a particularly disgusting-looking demon. The sole surviving objector to Lucifer’s rule tried to flee, but Lucifer brought his sword around and slammed it home, and the demon dissolved into nothing with a whimper.

His opposition completely destroyed, Lucifer casually strolled over to Castiel, still smiling.

“Well, that was fun,” he commented cheerfully, giving the nervous demon standing with Castiel a once-over.

“I would like to take the opportunity to welcome you back to Hell and add that I fully support any changes you wish to implement, my lord,” the demon said quickly, twitching under Lucifer’s contemplative stare.

“Thanks. I’m learning how to be a kind, responsible, well-rounded person,” Lucifer explained, “but until then, I’m still going to smite any motherfucker that crosses me.”

“Duly noted,” the demon said carefully, and a little sourly.

“When Michael told you to improve Hell, I’m not sure he meant through threats and violence,” observed Castiel.

Lucifer shrugged.

“Baby steps, Cas, baby steps. Trust me, Sam’s going to see this as progress.”

“Sam?” the demon repeated, with a strange expression on its face.

“My brother,” Lucifer explained briefly.

“Michael,” Castiel clarified.

The strange look on the demon’s face deepened.

“I see.” A beat. “Well, much as I hate to interrupt your… friendly banter, what, exactly, are your intentions here?”

Lucifer shrugged.

“Fix everything so that it’s not so torturous, then fuck off back to Earth and leave someone else in charge.” Lucifer paused and examined the demon thoughtfully.

Castiel recognised the expression as one Lucifer wore when he was formulating a plan.

“You seem to have done pretty well done here,” Lucifer told the demon. “King of the Crossroads, right? You think you could follow orders and not piss me off?”

The demon raised one eyebrow.

“Considering that I survived catering to Lilith’s whims, I believe that I am excellent at diplomacy, and knowing which boundaries _not_ to test.”

Lucifer broke into a smile that was all Dean’s, warm and unabashed.

“As long as you’re being open about being a sneaky son of a bitch, we’re good.”

Castiel frowned in confusion at the inherent contradiction in Lucifer’s statement.

“If he’s being sneaky, how can he be open with you?”

Lucifer chuckled, and Castiel glared at him a little.

“I don’t expect perfect obedience out of anyone, Cas,” Lucifer explained kindly, in response to the mild glare. “As long as he’s not pretending to be all goody-goody, and is smart enough to know when not to bend the rules, I can live with a little insubordination. Come on, man, you know I like it when people stick it to The Man. I’m not an authority kind of person, is what I’m saying.”

“I can see we’re going to get along splendidly,” remarked the demon. “By the way, my name is Crowley, since you didn’t ask.”

Castiel didn’t understand why Lucifer appeared inexplicably delighted by this.

“Your name’s Crowley, and you’re a demon? Really? That’s awesome.”

Crowley raised both eyebrows.

“The Devil is a _Good Omens_ fan. Lovely.”

“Well, not a fan exactly, but I did read it once,” Lucifer said cheerfully. “Back when Sam was still at college.”

“By which you mean Michael,” Crowley half-asked, half-stated, with a look of polite disbelief. Castiel had to admit that the idea of an archangel attending college did seem a little far-fetched, if you didn’t know the circumstances.

“Yep,” Lucifer confirmed.

“Just to be clear – we’re talking about Sam Winchester, yes? Because you look awfully like Dean Winchester.”

“Hah,” was all Lucifer said. “No one saw _that_ one coming.”

“Right,” said Crowley, a little faintly. “Well, that’s good to know. I take it Heaven was just as surprised?”

“Total ambush,” Lucifer agreed, smirking. “Man, I kinda wish I’d got to see Raphael’s face.” 

The demon looked shaken, Castiel thought. While he could never sympathise with anything as depraved as a demon, he understood Crowley’s shock.

“Anyway,” Lucifer continued, "I’m going to go around all of Hell and change things, including a bunch of the rules, and when I’m gone I expect you to keep them that way. I’ll want you to come topside and report to me every couple of weeks or so, Earth-time. Oh, and Castiel here is my consort,” Lucifer jabbed a thumb at Castiel, “so follow his orders like you would mine, and report to him if I’m not available.”

“What?” Castiel and Crowley both said at the same time. Castiel glared at Lucifer, silently demanding answers.

“Don’t look at me like that, Cas, you’re my boyfriend. Come on, who else am I going to trust with this kind of thing? Gabriel? As if. Even if it didn’t clash with the Messenger gig, which it does. And Sam is busy enough as it is, and I don’t want him sticking his nose in around here anyway.”

“Boyfriend?” Crowley repeated, eyeing Lucifer and Castiel speculatively. “Well. You  learn something new every day. Who knew angels swung that way?”

“Please, like I’m a normal angel,” Lucifer retorted. “Anyway. Renovation time. Cas. Coming?”

“Of course,” said Castiel. He had followed Lucifer into Hell, after all: why else, if not to accompany him? “Where else would I be?”

For some reason, his reply made Lucifer smile brilliantly.


End file.
